I Have a Hard Head and a Soft Hex
Just remember that the breakdown is the breakthrough, babe.
Hello, new subscribers, and welcome.
This space is my poetic diagnostic of the female body under medicine, marriage, survival, and societal gaslighting. Is it breaking open or breaking down or breaking through? I don’t know, but I’m taking notes on HOW IT FEELS. I participated in an MDMA-assisted clinical trial for PTSD, and I still anchor to the visions I had there, and the parts of me that had been erased.
I’m working on a few different projects:
Strange Woman
The user manual for surviving sexual assault by a doctor, and going up against a person in power in the legal system for the first time. What it felt like, what helped, and how speaking up magnetized the allies I needed.
Surgeon General Warning
A stageplay about heterosexual marriage and what it does to women.
Soft Hex
My writing that blends my Taíno and Sicilian heritage, a long history of embodied mindfulness (aka witchery), and using words as spells, incantations, and mantras, for your viewing pleasure and power.
The Strange Woman is:
Warned, but not protected
Bleeding from a thousand cultural paper cuts
Told it’s “self-care” to survive abuse
Crumbling, rising, praying, and raging at once
A woman who knows too much, and is punished for that knowing
I have a hard head and a soft hex
I crumble in every crevice Shards Of good intentions for breakfast I’m feeling softer on the sheets Confused my roots Bamboozling my sanity I bruise I’m blue IV in me I flew all salty No altar Fighting Free The shards I feel My throat is raw I levitate, for fuck’s sake God I need a miracle Salvation Rapture Please The Surgeon General is on the case Statistically The shards only may cause a little Thousand micro-injuries A thousand screeching symphonies The shards, the Surgeon says Good doctors ought to warn Or stop Or end The shards might sever Good intentions center ones who pull the lever The user is the face we need to see Receiver Receive her Relieve her Release her Self-care is salty water Salted devotion I chase it bare A prayer divine With shards — accept she will go blind We march We forlorn: a fair warning The surgeon studies while She’s mourning Receding tides Like his hairline Shattering epiphanies Are all pepper spray Softly shattering Unfiltered, smoking, hot She shoots it straight And languishes Don’t shoot the messenger Babe, let it crumble Just to see your face Your salty tears erase the cosplay Your throat is safe Oxygen exchange So... Don’t inhale a pack a day
Take what you need, or take a talisman for later. I’d love to hear what’s working for you right now.
I’m so glad you connected with this. Thank you for reposting 💕